Y’all remember in my last blog when I said I had a feeling I would find that new thing in my life that made me feel all the feelings in an unexpected place. Well it turns out that unexpected place was Indianapolis. This week over 17,000 young people set the city of Indianapolis on fire with their love for Christ and praise God that I was one of them.
Let me set the stage: I saw college as a way to reinvent myself. You know what they say, Ole Miss has never lost a party. But by the end of my 3rd semester, I found myself feeling lost and empty and just downright tired of the routine I had found myself in. It’s not like I was living in total darkness, but my life certainly had its shadows. I still went to Mass on Sundays and one time I even found myself at Adoration on a Tuesday night, but I knew I was called to more.
And yet, I continued to hide behind the lamest, most cliche excuses in the book. “I don’t have time for that,” I would say as I binge-watched Gilmore Girls and Gossip Girl for the 1000th time. “I don’t know anyone,” said the girl who only attended one campus ministry event her freshman year where she spoke maybe two words. But somehow I always found time to attend the birthday parties for a friend of a friend and I had no problem walking into a frat house where I knew maybe one brother for a fun Friday night. The only things standing between me and a meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ were my own stubbornness and insecurities.
I think part of it was that I had developed this “been there, done that” attitude towards my faith life. I mean come on: 13 years of Catholic schools, I was taught by Dominican sisters (not to mention, I have former classmates that entered the convent after graduation), I went on countless retreats starting in middle school, I even travelled all the way to Krakow, Poland for World Youth Day. If there was a Catholic bucket list, I could probably check most of it off and I’m not even 20. I had convinced myself that I was all tapped out on Jesus moments, that my next life changing encounter with Christ was years away.
And that’s when God looked down and said, “Think again.” SEEK 2019 was truly a life changing experience; the Lord exceeded every expectation I had for this week. At each session I attended, it was as if the speakers knew what had been weighing down on my heart for the past few months and were speaking directly to me. On night one, Leah Darrow literally called me out on my excuses and said, “Even Jesus only had 24 hours in a day.” Sarah Swafford shook my world so hard and almost brought me to tears with how authentically she spoke about the faith, life and relationships. I walked out feeling the Holy Spirit pushing me to make changes in how I was living. And with every step I took, I could physically feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders.
Fr. Mike Schmitz called us to not be indifferent in this world; to not just care, but to care enough to feel called to action. I want my life to look different this spring then it did in the fall, so I have to take action. And that my friends is what set this conference apart from every other “Jesus moment” I had leading up to this. I didn’t just encounter the Lord and then walk away, I made actual changes. I made real promises to myself, to Christ and to my peers that I was going to live differently.
If there is one thing I learned at SEEK 2019, it’s that we cannot be afraid to place everything into God’s hands and say yes. Our “yes” no matter how small or insignificant it may seem has the power to change the world. And that’s really scary, but also fills my heart with so much hope and joy for the future.
I encountered Jesus in a way that I never had before. It was powerful and overwhelming, but at the same time filled with such love and mercy. I literally cannot wrap my head around all of the graces He gave me in Indianapolis. I am still not 100% sure I know what my mission is in life, but I know that I am on the path to finding it.
The Lord works in wonderful, unexpected ways when you open your heart to Him. SEEK was truly the perfect start to what I hope is a very transformative and joyful year.